Are You Managing Your Ex’s Relationship to Your Kids?

It’s not your job to manage the relationship between your kids and an ex who either doesn’t see them as planned or continually disappoints.

The quality of their relationship remains that parent’s doing.

It is your job however, to help your child cope and come to a realistic understanding of that parent, that that parent’s behavior is not a reflection on the worth of the child.

Spoiling the child the result of your feeling guilty for their situation won’t make things better either. That only creates more problems.

“Sweetheart, I know you’re disappointed your (parent) didn’t call or show up today. I don’t understand their choices either. All I know is that you don’t deserve this and this isn’t a reflection on you. There may come a time when you may want to address your feelings with (that parent).”

The idea is not to run down the other parent, but to empathize with the child and separate the behavior from that parent from the worth of the child. That is your responsibility.

The relationship is their job.

Think twice about taking responsibility for something or someone over which you have no control or influence.

If you do take such responsibility and you are unsuccessful, then it looks like you are to blame and that could undermine your own relationship with your kids.

Drive in your lane.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.