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Feeling Hopeless about a Problem Drinker? Consider this:

Each year I see many people addicted to alcohol. At times they come to the session smelling of booze while still denying drinking. They play the game, “if you didn’t see me do it, it didn’t happen” as if seeing is the only sense of detection and smelling doesn’t count.

I have long since recognized I can’t help everybody. The issue then becomes, what does the intimate partner or family do?

I always recommend Al-Anon and Ala-teen. However, few of the intimate partners actually follow through. They continue to cajole or argue with their partner about their consumption.

They are locked in a bitter circular battle. These are the situations that tend to have very poor outcomes. With the focus of attention on only the person consuming the alcohol, people don’t realize how their behavior may feed into and perpetuate the problem.

I can only hope that at some point in time people stop arguing or cajoling the person with the alcohol problem and look at how to change oneself first.

I have had people come back to me years later to say they realized they couldn’t change the person drinking and finally did go on to make other decisions for themselves.

All the while the children grow up in that toxic environment. Consider the child’s experience and what they learn:

  1. Tiptoe around others;
  2. Powerlessness;
  3. Normalization of abusive consumption of alcohol;
  4. Conflict without end;
  5. Taking care of others who may never take care of themselves;
  6. Fear for violence;
  7. Constant worry wherever they go;
  8. They don’t matter.

In considering the experience of the child in this context, how might these issues show up in their life? Consider:

  1. Attention Deficit Disorder;
  2. Depression;
  3. Anxiety
  4. Poor school performance;
  5. Overachieving performance tinged with anxiety;
  6. Anger and aggression;
  7. Withdrawal;
  8. Physical symptoms (headaches/stomachaches) with no physical basis;
  9. Early onset sexual behavior;
  10. Drug or alcohol use.

As parents continue the circular debate around problem drinking, the children continue to grow in this environment.

Consider your behavior, banging your head against the wall. It’s so good when you stop. When you stop, it can stop for your children too.

What to do as the intimate partner of someone abusing alcohol will depend on your personal situation. There is no one size fits all.

If you really want to stop banging your own head against a wall or that of the children’s by extension, then do consider Al-Anon and Alateen. You can also consider personal counseling.

The objective is to figure out what you can do differently in a context where your partner continues to drink. The goal is to mitigate the impact of your partner’s drinking on you and the children. You do that by changing yourself first and your children’s experience of you.

By attending for help it actually makes it more difficult for the problem drinker to deny and you teach your children that they can make choices in the interest of their well being too. That is already a better trajectory heading to a better outcome.

Google Al-Anon or Alateen and your city’s name. You will find the groups in your area to attend.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

The Next Evolution of Collaborative Law

At inception, Collaborative Law was two lawyers sitting round table with their two clients. The agreement was they would help the intimate partners dissolve their relationship and settle things peacefully between themselves without the use or threat of court.

As Collaborative Law evolved, the lawyers realized their desire to help people resolve matters peacefully could be supported by bringing in other professionals, most notably family and financial professionals.

As the process evolved discussion ensued as to the timing of bringing in the allied professionals. Some opted to being them in on an as need basis and others opted to develop models including the allied professionals from the get-go. This developed an “all or none” thinking with regard to beginning the Collaborative process. What wasn’t noticed was this remained a lawyer-centric process. In other words, the lawyer was always central to how the process started and were determinative of where things would go. The lawyers set the direction of the process and who was involved.

This lawyer-centric model has created some consternation among allied professionals. Both family and financial professionals felt beholding to the lawyers, hoping to be a preferred service provider to their collaborative team. The business of the allied professionals was dependent on the referrals form the lawyers. This created hierarchy and power imbalances among the service providers. The hierarchy and power imbalances are built in structurally given the lawyers would determine which professionals sat at the table. The thinking of the allied professionals inadvertently reinforced the lawyer-centric approach, by waiting for the invitation and perhaps feeling a need to ingratiate themselves for referrals.

However, I have always had the view that Collaborative Law is better represented by how we think over what the process may be.

From this perspective Collaborative Law is all about helping people resolve family disputes, most notably the dissolution of intimate relationships, as peacefully as possible and as far away from court as possible. It is about bringing about the needed expertise of people with a like-minded vision who hold what is best for the family as the better outcome over what is best for the individual.

Looking at Collaborative Law as a mindset versus a static process offers more creativity for problem solving. From this perspective, any of professionals can serve as an entry point for a Collaborative process.

I regularly receive referrals for marriages on the cusp. As much as possible I seek to help people maintain their relationship. If however they choose to dissolve their relationship, I remain available to help sort out the changes that naturally occur whether those changes are emotional, psychological or relate to the care of children. From this role I am also available to refer these same people to divorce financial professionals who in turn can facilitate the resolution of the financial aspects of separation. After that, then we can refer these same folks to collaborative law professionals who can turn parenting and financial agreements in to binding contracts.

People do not have to run to the lawyer first. Indeed, people may see the lawyer last having already determined the terms of their agreements with those professionals whose expertise best matches their needs. Rather than a lawyer-centric model of collaborative practice, this is a client-centric model, truly placing the client first according to their need often as determined by their entry point for service.

Having spoken with financial professional colleagues, I have learned that my approach and facilitating the process as I do is not unique, although as yet uncommon.

To those allied professionals who have been waiting on the invitation of the lawyer to provide service, I suggest a revolution or paradigm shift in your thinking. You are the entry point for people who may be seeking to separate. You can facilitate their separation as well as the lawyer for matters within your span of practice and you can inform people of process options without providing legal advice. What is key is the collaborative mindset: helping people dissolve their intimate relationship peacefully using those professionals as may be necessary and who share the collaborative mindset in doing so.

This is the next evolution to Collaborative Law and this informs the training I provide in terms of helping professionals market their peacemaking practice. I help people differentiate their practice; learn how to market their differentiated services; and appreciate the mindset that any Collaboratively trained professional can serve as an entry point to service and can serve as the client navigator.

To the collaborative lawyer, to evolve from the lawyer-centric model, take a look at your labels. We have spoken of the Collaborative lawyer, the mental health professional and the financial professional.

On a go forward basis consider there are at least three professionals central to facilitating the dissolution of an intimate relationship: the legal professional, the family professional and the financial professional. This subtle shift in language changes the thinking from a lawyer-centric model where the lawyer is elevated in the process to a flat and equal model of professional expertise where if anyone is elevated, it is the clients.

The objective is to facilitate meeting the needs of the client with the right professional at the right time. The goal is the successful dissolution of the intimate partnership leaving the individuals and necessary ongoing relationships as intact and functional as possible.

Now you have the Collaborative mindset at least as I see it.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

Managing a Family Member going Ballistic

It almost doesn’t matter what triggered it. What matters is it is escalating out of control. Someone in your home is going ballistic. Someone is losing it and there is a risk of property damage and/or a physical altercation. It is already scary. Very scary.

These are situations not to be taken lightly. Emotional harm has already occurred and now there is a risk of physical harm. This is already a traumatic situation that will live on as another family story. But what do you do in the moment?

It is important to realize that in these moments, good judgment has left the home. Not only is the judgment of the person going ballistic impaired, but so too the person who is trying to bring control to the situation.

The person who is trying to bring control is likely very frightened and or angered as well. The person who is trying to bring control will likely be shouting and/or cajoling and/or using threats of punishment and/or even trying to physically subdue the family member who is going ballistic. There is likely a shouting match of each person admonishing the behavior of the other with each demanding the other to calm down. The demands to calm down will form a standoff with neither willing to calm down first for fear of ceding control to the other. Dangerous situations indeed.

The goal in these moments is not to prove who is right or wrong with regard to what ever triggered the event. Gaining calm is never about seeking to control the other person or admonishing the other person to calm down. Telling someone out of control to calm down is more likely waving a red cape to a bull. It only inflames.

The secret to calming another begins with calming oneself. The goal is to stabilize behavior and to make the situation physically and emotionally safe. If you really want to gain control and settle the behavior of the family member going ballistic, then no longer seek to control their behavior. Seek to control your own. Three strategies for calming oneself include:

  1. Remove oneself from the situation;
  2. Remain neutral and non-responsive to taunts and threats;
  3. Exemplify a calm demeanor with hands by your side and shoulders down.

Being calm captures attention differently than seeking to control by over-powering the other. Seeking to overpower is perceived as a threat thus escalating the very behavior we seek to reduce. Being calm however allows the other to reflect more upon their own behavior rather than having to respond to someone perceived as this threat.

Once you are calm, then you can talk with the person going ballistic about you feeling scared and sorry for the situation and wondering about how they are feeling. The objective is to appear empathetic instead of angry. This is nothing to do with agreeing or disagreeing about the triggering event. This is only about restoring calm and peace. The situation must be safe for everyone, emotionally and physically.

Remember, the triggering event can always be addressed later. The current priority is restoring calm as only in calm can anything be reasonably resolved. Do not worry about addressing the triggering event until calm has been restored. Your family must be safe before anything else.

If you feel that even with your calm, the family member going ballistic still may not settle, then call for emergency services. This is not to be done as a threat or punishment. If the person going ballistic sees this as a threat or punishment, it will run the risk of escalating matters until the arrival of emergency services.

Calling emergency services can be done privately and quietly as you maintain your calm disposition. The role of emergency services is not to get a person in trouble with police, but to help restore the peace. Remember, the priority is safety and if you cannot provide that on your own, then the use of emergency services is in everyone’s interest.

If by the way, you involve yourself in a physical altercation to gain control of the out of control person, there is a high risk of physical harm to both of you, a more fractured relationship and a greater likelihood of assault charges being laid even against the person seeking to restore calm. These are remarkably high risk moments and the degree to which you maintain your calm, you lower the risk of a bad outcome. Do not worry about broken property. Holes in walls, broken lamps are nothing compared to physical injury and assault charges. Maintain your calm. You can always leave the house and wait outside or at a neighbor for emergency services and this will still provide a better outcome that involvement in a physical altercation. Let your cooler head prevail.

Most triggering event are not life threatening. The eruption of violence can be life threatening. While you may feel in the moment the triggering event must be resolved, it is best left for another time and the discussion may be better had if facilitated by a trained professional. While at some point matters will need to be resolved, it will already be apparent that the strategies taken that gave rise to the ballistic behavior aren’t conducive to true resolution. You may have to let the issue go in order to revisit it later with help. It truly is time for professional help.

Most people will think it is the person going ballistic who needs the help the most. However, that person is often not open to attending professional help. As such, do not wait for that person to get help for themselves. As the person or persons who are responsible for facilitating or maintaining calm, you going for help first can be more productive that the other person going first. You can develop your problem solving and dialogue strategies to better manage the behavior of the other.

What matters in these situations is that someone gets help. Standing on who goes first is only another heated argument in waiting. Truth is, everyone will need help with this. You going first opens the door for the other. Now that calm has been restored, please do get help for yourself.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

Is Your Kid Safe with Technology?

Do you practice safe technology? If you think you do, think twice. There is no such thing.

No matter what the privacy settings, whenever you use social media you are leaving a digital footprint of something. It can be as little as your location; who you are connected to; what you have just been shopping for; what you have just been viewing.

With just that, you can receive targeted ads, links to websites and other content based on the analysis of those little data-bits left behind.

Consider this, you just looked at a porn site or something less concerning like swimsuits and even if you deleted it from your computer, the digital footprint can still create the conditions for you to receive targeted ads on your social media pertaining to what you have been surfing. Next, your 6-year-old saunters up to the keyboard. They are attracted to the link. Need I say more?

Consider for a moment, your 10-year-old child is at school. Smart phones are everywhere and at an undesirable moment, your child is caught picking their nose on video. It’s uploaded to YouTube and before you know it, your child is publicly shamed for that moment’s itch.

Children today will be exposed to content we would never choose. Children will have material (photos/videos) taken and posted of them without your knowledge or control. Children will come across pornographic material inadvertently. This is no longer a question of if, but when.

Want to hold back that smart phone. Good luck with that too. Just because your child may not have one, all of their friends do and they share. These days, if your child doesn’t have a smart phone, they are actually at a social disadvantage. Long gone are the days of telephone contact. Everything is texting and social media. Want friends? Have a smart phone. Have a smart phone, then watch out for addiction.

To add, given the advent of smart phones, as much as we are technologically connected, we are increasingly socially disconnected. Even if in physical proximity to each other, the distraction of the smart phone interrupts relationships and dialogue. There you are bathing your three-year-old, phone tucked in under your chin or sitting on the counter as you are catching up with someone else. Eye contact? Forget it.

Prior to the distraction of the smart phone, at that moment of bathing, you may have just been coochy-cooing your child or talking generally about good touch – bad touch. You could have been using the time and interaction to teach about boundaries and body privacy. A lesson now missed.

Prior to the smart phone interrupting conversation at dinner, you may have discussed what to do in case of an emergency; individual news of the day, your views on how to get along with others and have respectful relationships.

The kind of conversations, dialogues or even just musings meant to inform and pass on values are no longer had in favor of checking out one more like, one more purchase, one more work related issue.

Given our addiction to the devices and needing to see that one more like, comment, post, message, our children (and us) are tired to the degree that learning is compromised. Who can go to bed without checking their device just one… more… time.

It used to be we were concerned for those kids who went without eating. The new concern is fatigue and with that we see increased instances of aggression, bullying, and attention deficit symptoms. That is how fatigue emerges in children. They don’t sit there and say, I’m tired. They just lose it!

Our kids are at risk from technology and social media like never before. It occurs at a time when we are less available as parents even when physically present.

Want to manage the risk better? Consider these strategies:

  1. Upon arriving home, turn off your device and announce it to the kids;
  2. Hunt down your kids in the house, look them in the eye and ask how they are doing. Have a snack together;
  3. Turn off the device at mealtimes. Yours too!
  4. Restrict your children from using their devices an hour before bedtime and do not allow the device in the bedroom at bedtime. If the device serves as an alarm clock, then buy a real one;
  5. Teach your little ones about good touch – bad touch and privacy. Use the bathing suit analogy – no touching wherever a bathing suit would cover;
  6. Demonstrate respectful behavior in the home. Listen, listen and then listen again before talking. When your kids talk, you learn;
  7. Have discussions about hypothetical situations like having a picture of yourself posted picking your nose. Develop empathy by talking about how a friend would feel;
  8. Discuss the fact that images and videos of people undressed are likely actors and their behavior may not represent what real or respectful people do;
  9. Let your child know that if they come across something they think would be naughty on their device to come and talk to you so you can explain what they saw.

My colleague, Perry Mason and I discussed all that and more last night at a workshop for parents at Buchanan PS, invited by these 3rd year nursing students from McMaster University.

perry-gary

Invite both of us or either of us and we would be pleased to discuss this again and again. We can never love or be safe enough as parents.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out my services and then call me if you need help with a child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

Facebook
Linked In
Twitter

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

7 Tips for the Parent Whose Relationship with Their Child is Restricted

Many parents with severely restricted relationships to their children hold tremendous rage or anger at agencies, institutions, courts or the custodial parent. However, their limited relationship may be more a consequence of their responses to problems, than the problems directly. Provocation by others cannot be used to excuse their own behavior if inappropriate or worse, criminal.

First and foremost, parents in such situations must learn to manage their behavior so that it cannot be used against them. No matter how provoked a parent may feel, they must never act in such a way as to undermine their own self. Parents must consider the consequences of their responses PRIOR to responding and with a view to acting in their own long-term interest rather than the immediacy of the situation.

Secondly, parents in such situations must learn that relationships are a lifelong endeavor. So even though difficult today, parents must be helped to think long-term. They must act now to prepare and build for a relationship even if in their child’s later life like adolescence or adulthood. Don’t miss the chance for something later, by creating new problems today.

To maximize the opportunity for a lifelong relationship parents with restricted access can do the following:

  1. Use whatever access is available. Children cannot live by excuses. Being there whenever possible lets children know you value them. This is a primary responsibility.
  1. Never bad mouth the other parent or caregiver. Putting down someone else will never elevate you. Concentrate on the children directly and your activities in the moment. Do not place them in a situation of revealing matters of family life that you think you can use in your case. This will only heighten their mistrust of you and add to a poor relationship now and forever.
  1. Leave your anger outside the visit. Children want the opportunity to see you, not your anger. Also, your anger may scare them, which will only cause them to want to stay away.
  1. Remember all birthdays, holidays and special occasions with a card or gift that is appropriate to their age and interests.
  1. If allowed, maintain regular contact in-between visits by telephone or email or letters. Again, remember to leave your feelings aside and concentrate on enjoying listening to your child. Sometimes such contact is only a matter of seconds. Do not expect lengthy conversations. It’s the contact that matters, not the length.
  1. Never hit your child, scream or yell, but do learn and use only appropriate behavior management techniques. Remember, you are also a role model so what you do in all aspects of your life matters most. Your children will learn by watching you or being told about you, so always act appropriately.
  1. Maintain a life journal with pictures and notes that you can use to share memories together of good times. If you do not have access to your children, still make a journal of your life showing what you were up to on their birthdays, holidays or special occasions. Keep it positive and include a birthday card that you would have sent. Then when you see your child, be it now or when they are an adult, you can demonstrate they were always in your thoughts and you can catch up. In such situations these actions can help your then adult child feel better about themselves and help you forge an adult-adult relationship. This can make up for some of the lost time and you both can feel good about it.

Finally, consider counseling. You may need help or support to work on the suggestions contained in this article or to fully understand all the needs of children. Remember, your children will benefit when you put your issues aside and concentrate on working towards a lifelong relationship that is aimed at meeting their needs first, be it now or for the future. It’s only too late when you give up or act inappropriately.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

Coping with Loss – You never know how a workshop will go.

I provided a workshop this week on behalf of Early Childhood Educators: Helping Children Cope with Loss.

As per all my workshops, I start by asking the group why they came; what they wanted to get out of this workshop; did they have a child or situation in mind they were grappling with; how could I help them with this topic?

Loss was defined in broad terms: loss of a loved one; loss of a pet; loss of a relationship; loss of home or country.

Several of the 25 participants sought direction for helping preschoolers through parental separation, loss of a pet and even loss of a parent. However, the biggest category of concern was personal loss. Many of the attendees were coping with their own loss. They were hoping to gain some insight on how to cope and more pointedly, how to cope with others who had difficulty with their grieving. Another large group of people sought guidance on how to respond to someone’s loss and grief.

We did discuss all kinds of loss that afternoon. We differentiated between tangible and ambiguous loss and also discussed different grief reactions. We looked at how children grieve and how grief will look or present differently depending on the age of the child.

The real issues though were how to respond to a person with a recent loss and grief and, in a sense, how to gain permission to grieve.

In terms of how to respond, we discussed how seeing someone in the anguish of loss is difficult to observe; how it is challenging to be in the moment with someone elses pain; how we feel uncomfortable and how we may want to either run or rescue.

Supporting someone in their anguish of loss is all about remaining there in their moment; not being frightened off by the expression of pain and bearing witness by just being present.

It is certainly reasonable to say with honesty that you are sorry for the person’s loss.

These behaviors are the hallmarks of empathy in action. These behaviors say that the experience is beyond words, but my presence validates your experience and that you are not alone. We are emotionally safe, despite the grief. You have permission to feel the pain and we will endure, because I can endure your upset. You have a safe place with me to feel the hurt of loss. You don’t need to remain stoic. You can cry too. The pain of loss is an expression of our humanity and pays tribute and respect to the loss.

Those who were coping with loss more acutely who attended the workshop appeared to need validation, that it was OK to grieve and be sad. There is no real timetable for grief.

Many expressed being confronted with the sentiment, just get over it. Typically that is the expression of others who are uncomfortable with painful emotions. Their demand or guidance is based more on a projection of their need not to be discomforted by not being able to live with or resolve the pain of another. I gave these persons word to use: You don’t need to fix me or resolve my grief. I will be OK and even now I am OK even while experiencing the pain of my loss.

I don’t think in terms of people getting over it. I view that as disrespectful of the relationship/person they are grieving. Rather, we integrate the experience into our lives and learn to live with loss. Integrating the experience can be complicated when there is an expectation of a timetable, beyond which we simply swallow or run away from our pain. Paradoxically, permission to feel our pain helps us release it. Talking about it can help. Finding perspective can help.

This was a very powerful and emotional workshop. I think we all got more than we bargained for. I am often thanked for my presentations. I don’t think I was ever thanked so thoughtfully. It was a pleasure to be of service.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

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Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

Facebook
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

 

 

 

Living Through Parental Alienation

I spoke recently with a parent whose children were caught in the middle of an access battle and access wasn’t happening. The parent withdrew. This is contrary to many other parents’ thinking that they have to give their all.

The parent told me that if someone gave space for peace when also a kid going though a parental separation, things would have been easier. The parent appreciated the experience therefore of their own kids.

The children later went on to have an adult relationship with the alienated parent. Things were different once grown up and they were making independent decisions.

From this perspective, this parent is not giving up, but giving space for peace. “Space for peace” – that’s exactly what the parent called it.

Space for peace.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

https://garydirenfeld.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/gary-feb-12.jpg?w=200&h=301

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

Facebook
Linked In
Twitter

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships