Someone Freaking out? Use Your Mood to Influence Others

You know the saying, “Monkey see, Monkey do?” Well, it turns out their brains are wired to mimick each other.

In their brains there is an area of what is called “mirror neurons.”

So as one experiences, the brain of the other just by observing their experience, experiences similarly.

That was learned through experimentation in the 1990s with macaque monkeys..

Then, in the 2000s, researchers wondered if humans had mirror neurons too. They did similar experiments and lo and behold, we do have mirror neurons.

That kind of helps explain how feelings can be contagious. It may also explain who people may escalate in conflict when one’s behavior and emotions triggers the mirror neurons of the other to then do similarly.

However, here’s the neat part. Because we have these mirror neurons, we can use that to influence the feelings and behavior of another intentionally. You can even try this.

When with someone freaking out, maintain a sense of calm and peace in yourself. It’s not what you say, but more importantly you managing how you feel and your demeanor.

Stay in that headspace.

Say to yourself that you will stay in that headspace because you want your feelings and demeanor to trigger the mirror neurons of the other for calm and peace too.

This is in essence at the heart of “co-regulation” and why it works.

It is difficult for one to remain in an agitated state in the company of another who is truly calm.

So about that “monkey see, monkey do” thing, consider it a tool you can use to help keep things from escalating.

Rather than bringing an agitated or dominant/controlling approach to deal with another in an agitated state, bring your calm.

The thing that differentiates us from monkeys is that we have the capacity to self-reflect and recognize our feeling state and then literally choose to feel another way.

Powerful is the one who masters the capacity to self-reflect, recognize and manage their feeling to then bring their calm.

All it takes is practice.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.