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Divorce? Who Ya Gonna Call!

January 2, 2017

It’s January. Your relationship has flat-lined. Now who are you going to call?

January is known as divorce month, not because it is celebrated, but because it is the month when the greatest number of divorces are initiated. Maybe it’s because those who kept it together for Christmas can no longer keep it together or maybe it’s because that New Year’s kiss was stolen from the wrong person. In any event, January sees a peak in the number of divorce applications of any month in the year.

The real question is, given you are headed for divorce, who do you call to help you through the process? Most people would answer a divorce lawyer. However, they would be wrong to do so.

Typically in calling a divorce lawyer, you will be seen and your story will be heard on a one sided basis. Your lawyer will align with you and seek to get you the best deal in the settlement, but at what real cost.

In getting you your best deal, it naturally comes at the expense of your partner. Think about that for a moment. Would you or your partner ever want to think you are getting the raw end in a separation settlement? Of course not. So with that thinking, the fight is on. Your partner will “lawyer up” and before you know it, you have a contested divorce complete with the nasty letters going back and forth inflaming you both.

There is a better way.

Rather than having your divorce lawyer on speed dial, consider meeting with a divorce specialist who can meet with you both and help you resolve your separation as amicably as possible. With children involved consider how much better this would be for them. Divorce is already stressful enough, but even more so for everybody when acrimonious and contested.

By using a divorce specialist, you can find that elusive settlement where you both can sign off in agreement and stay in charge of the outcome – both winners and your children can be kept out of the fray.

To find a divorce specialist follow these easy steps:

  1. Go to Google;
  2. Type in “collaborative law” and your city, state or province;
  3. Check the search results for the nearest collaborative law organization and click on the link;
  4. Once on the site, look through the list of the family professionals and call a few. (The family professionals are also known as divorce coaches or mental health professionals in some areas.)

These are the people you want to start your separation process with. They can advise as to options for helping you further through the separation process. They will not take sides and they can help you figure out how to address concerns with children and other family and friends. Upon their involvement they can also refer you to Divorce Financial Professionals who can help you through the untangling of of financial issues and sort out child support as will spousal support.

Once the family and financial issues have been addressed, then either of these persons can refer you to Collaborative Legal Professionals who can finalize your settlement agreement, having been sorted out first by the appropriate specialists.

When you consider that most people will run to a divorce lawyer, paying hundreds of dollars more per hour, who don’t possess the specific expertise of the specialists costing far less per hour, it’s no wonder so many divorces are messy and expensive.

Just because your relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t have a less acrimonious and less costly separation.

How you start matters and this year the start is already shaky if you are looking at divorce. Make good decisions now to facilitate your process as successfully as possible. Start with the right divorce professional.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

If you found this blog of service, please share it with the links below.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

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