Big Feelings, Tension, Fear…

Abandonment. That sense of being left behind.

It’s so triggering.

Then when the distance is bridged and the dramatic reconnection wears, the doubt sets back in. Then the sabotaging.

Not sure if it’s oneself or the other. It’s just insecure again.

The ambivalence creates tension yet again. It can’t be tolerated and away they go again.

Freak out. Chase. Catch. Relief. Ambivalent. Distance. Breakdown. Run. Repeat.

It is the borderline’s pattern. Borderline Personality Disorder.

It’s intense.

Big dramatic relationship. It’s tempestuous. It’s fragile.

It’s often based on a lifetime of ambiguity in relationships with at least one of one’s parents.

It started there and continues throughout development, life.

Forever looking for that closeness and validation yet having it taken away, never quite being satisfied. It projects onto other relationships, those possible intimate connections now tinged with longing yet fear.

Therapy.

Coming to manage the emotional teasing that life offered. Coming to find ways to settle oneself and love oneself consistently when others may not.

It’s a struggle of finding intimacy and validation yet never trusting it.

Self-soothing is a necessary skill.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.