Realizing One’s Partner is a Narcissist

She thought her husband had changed. She emplored him to go to therapy so as to return to the man she thought she knew.

He wouldn’t. He was pleased with himself. He felt it was she who was the problem. She wouldn’t cowtow to his bidding.

He pressed harder, more nasty. She would give in. He would be nice again… and on and on it went.

Truth is, he didn’t change. He had only revealed more of himself to her. It wasn’t a matter of getting back the man she knew. It was coming to terms with the man he was.

She had mistaken the love bombing for true affection rather than what it was, a lure to capture her heart. He snared her with expressions of love to then use her to meet his needs, wants and desires. She felt duped, trapped, scared.

It came to her. He was a narcissist.

She eventually met with a therapist for herself. The therapist listened but offered little guidance. It left her where she was.

Seeking another helper, she came upon one who offered guidance to cope with and manage the behavior she had to deal with. That led to her eventually separating, a plan in hand.

No, not easy. By then a child between them.

Both would continue to parent. It would be a struggle. The strategies learned to cope and manage didn’t cause the problem to go away. She was more successful in managing.

She learned how to set boundaries while withstanding the pushback. She learned how to manage their child when used as an emissary.

Sometimes still she gives her head a shake thinking of the love bombing. How good she felt. How special he had made her feel. It was an illusion. It had preyed on the love and affection she had hoped to receive one day.

Learning to take care of herself with him, she was then caring for herself. That. That was healing.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.