Kid Stuck in Their Room: Try This!

There’s something I talk about for improving a parent’s relationship with their teen.

You know, that persnickety kid who lives in their room, often with a chip on their shoulder or a pale mood.

I call it guerrilla love.

In guerrilla warfare we sneak up on the enemy combatant to kill them when they are not looking, to quickly sneak away. In guerrilla love, we knock on their bedroom door, enter, to immediately go and give them a kiss on the head or a quick pat on the shoulder to then leave quickly, leaving them wondering what that was about.

You see, when a kid is persnickety or moody and distanced, we too may be worried or angry or distanced. Truth is, that kid misses our love, our attention, our relationship too. They just don’t have the skill to get it back.

So, it’s up to us. Hence, guerrilla love.

It can work because our behavior signals that we still love our child. Despite anything going on, we still love you. It’s us, the parent who needs to facilitate this.

It may take the teen several experiences of our guerrilla love over several days to figure out that no, we aren’t crazy, that yes, we love them.

Guerrilla love.

Consider it. Give it a try.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.