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Trouble in Adult Life – Here is the Key to Change….

October 4, 2018

I don’t know that people really appreciate how influential their upbringing is on their adult life. I don’t know that people understand that you cannot escape your past, that it shapes the person you are as a grown up.

Jennifer Lopez refers to herself as Jenny from the block. No matter how high she climbs, she recognizes her roots, roots that continue to be influential and propel her.

I cannot escape my roots. I am Gary from the Jewish part of Toronto (Bathurst/Wilson). Even though non-practicing of my faith, I am Jewish to the core, the result of having grown up in a Jewish home in the heart of the Jewish part of the city.

Similarly, not only are we affected by the culture of our community, we are affected by the goings on in our homes. Our home is the kitchen through which our views of the world, sense of self, ways of relating are baked with the ingredients of parental and sibling role models.

While we cannot escape our past, for some, their past propels them to great heights, others to lead quiet average lives and for some, lives of desperation. Interestingly one’s own kitchen, even if with poor ingredients can produce outstanding results. Maybe less because of and maybe more in spite of. Nonetheless – it is one’s own kitchen, their family, their upbringing that remains influential – one way or another… or both. We cannot escape it.

If, however, there are issues from our past that undermine our present, while we cannot escape, we can become aware and with awareness comes choice.

Choice is magical.

Having choices is what opens us to a world of possibilities.

Choice begins with self-reflection, appreciating one’s history, one’s kitchen giving rise to the person of today.

Therapy is about unpacking the ingredients of your kitchen. Those influences unrealized that created the person you are – good, bad, in-between.

Are there issues in your adult life? Would you like to alter the trajectory of your adult life?

Be open to self-examination. Seek a therapist who can take you back in order to make better choices going forward. Learn the ways of change. Seek therapy.

You can’t change or escape your past. You can come to view it more clearly such that new choices and opportunities emerge.

I am Gary from the Jewish part of Toronto. Since my upbringing, I have maintained much of what I learned in my kitchen growing up. I have also made changes. So too can you.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by Skype.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW for counseling and support – to build your successful practice

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.

  1. Luciene Poole permalink

    Thank you for your comments. Your posts are always so insightful.

  2. Maryanne Condruk permalink

    I look forward to reading your posts and wish I had kept your collections to reflect and use as needed

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