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When You are Feeling Out of Sorts

July 24, 2017

People tend to take their own experience and then believe that others feel the same. For instance, if you grow up in a home where a parent drinks excessively, you may have thought at least while growing up, that all parents drink similarly.

To add, if you hang out with people whose experience is similar to your own, it reinforces the view that those experiences are the norm. Indeed, we do tend to hang out with people similar to us as the familiar is usually our comfort zone. One’s comfort zone though only has to do with what if familiar. One’s comfort zone doesn’t actually mean that what one is experiencing is healthy – just familiar.

That comfort zone and shared experience may be about one’s faith or hobby or activity or habit or behavior.

For instance if your parent(s) and extended kin all drank excessively, you may have come to believe that everyone drinks that way. Or, if you experience a series of abusive parents and stepparents, you may come to believe that abuse is likely to be a function of all relationships. If you are a member of a faith group and socialize primarily within that faith group, you may come to believe that most persons share your faith too.

Really, it isn’t until one steps outside of one’s comfort zone and exposes themselves to other experiences or views or new ways of getting along that one can truly evaluate their own experience and what they though was the norm.

Counseling is about gaining perspective on ones experiences, putting them in a larger context and discovering how your norm may not have been the norm of the larger group or community.

This is particularly helpful when one feels out of sorts with either oneself or others. Gaining insight into your experience and being able to put it into a larger context – a larger understanding – is freeing. It helps people make more informed decisions about how they want to live their life.

New perspectives lead to new behaviors.

Counseling can help you with that.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

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