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When YOUR Truth isn’t THE Truth

May 22, 2017

We all have them, those things we hold to be true, yet… aren’t.

We call then logical fallacies. Truths that seem to hold water, at least for us, yet upon more public scrutiny, leak like a sieve.

For instance, I am Jewish. I was born to a Jewish mother and looking up to her as an infant, I had the view that the whole world was Jewish. Kind of makes sense. My mother is my whole world.

As I got older, I realized I had two older brothers and a father – all Jewish. My experience of an expanding world seemed to prove, the whole world was Jewish.

I remember my mom putting me in the front seat of the ’56 Chevy. We went to the grocer, dry cleaner, bank and grocery store. In our little neighborhood of Toronto at Bathurst and Wilson all those shop keepers were Jewish. Hence, it was proved yet again, the whole world was Jewish.

Believe it or not, because my elementary school was embedded in the Jewish community, I only ever had one non-Jewish kid in all my classes from Kindergarten to grade 6. You guessed it. It reinforced the whole world was Jewish.

In 1967 though we moved from that part of Toronto to just north of the city, Thornhill.

At that point in time Thornhill was mostly White Anglo Saxon Protestant. I stood out like a sore thumb in middle school. However, from my perspective and given all my experience to date, I was still convinced the whole world was Jewish…. except Thornhill.

Logical fallacy.

It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s did I really come to realize I got it wrong, that the whole world wasn’t Jewish and that in fact, in the scheme of things, Jews were actually a small minority group.

Given I got that wrong, I then wondered what else I got wrong.

It was then I realized that I had written off a whole group of people on the basis of their country of origin, Germany. Make sense if you think about it. I was born post world war two. In my original neighborhood, no self respecting Jew would even drive a German automobile. Who would be caught giving money to the economy of the country that tried to exterminate your people? Of course Germans weren’t to be trusted.

Realizing though that was the basis of prejudice, I did seek to change my thinking and came to realize how culture, ethnicity and faith can influence one’s views of other people. There was actually a whole host of other thoughts and beliefs I also had to address the result of my upbringing and not because my parents sought to cause me to have a biased view, but because how and where and who one grows up with influences how we see the world and then as a result, how we interact within it and with others.

Other experiences also influence logical fallacies.

If one grows up in a home with an alcoholic or abusive parent, one may come to believe everyone has an alcoholic parent or that everyone walks on eggshells or that violence is a way to maintain order and solve problems.

If one grows up with a critical parent, one may believe that low self worth, avoiding standing out or alternatively, having to be a perfectionist are healthy ways to go through life.

Logical fallacies.

We all have them. The only real issue is coming to see them in ourselves and then coming to determine their impact on our relationships, choices and behavior.

The benefit of counseling includes learning about one’s own logical fallacies and how they may undermine our own well being. With that self knowledge, then we are equipped to make better choices for ourselves. We may find the key that unlocks our better potential. We may improve our lot in life, our relationships and the lives of those around us. We may discover why we remain in situations not to our advantage. We may find the real secret to improving our success.

Logical fallacies.

I have since discovered more and more of my own.

What are yours and are they holding you back?

In the clear light of day, are you really making your own decisions or are you merely acting out the scripts of childhood transposed on your adult life beyond your awareness?

Want to be really free? Figure out your logical fallacies.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue. I am available in person and by Skype.

https://garydirenfeld.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/gary-feb-12.jpg?w=200&h=301

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.

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  1. When YOUR Truth isn’t THE Truth | ecarrollstraus

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