Drive Your Ex Nuts and Improve Your Position for Court at the Same Time
Former couples who have it in for each other find a million ways to fight about their kids. They are forever sending nasty hate messages filled with innuendo about how awful the other is and how much better they are.
Even little issue can be magnified to give the impression that the other is just terrible as a parent and doesn’t deserve their relationship with the kids. Both can unleash a torrent of messages each thinking they are not only getting the other back, but somehow proving who is the worse parent while all the while trying to elevate themselves.
A wise woman once told me, when you get in the mud with the other pigs, we can’t tell the pigs apart.
Think about that in the context of a court battle over your kids. When things eventually go before a judge, will the judge be able to tell the parents apart? Will the judge be able to say who is the better parent? From the judges perspective, there will only be evidence of a nasty ongoing relationship where both parents trash the other to the detriment of the children. The judge will know that your kids are being raised in the mud of the parenting relationship. How does one choose the better parent in that?
If you really want to get back at your ex, do the unexpected. Really mess with their mind…
You start by sending texts informing them of the child’s accomplishments that day. You start the message by saying something like, “Just thought you would appreciate knowing Billy enjoyed reading the book you sent.”
It will drive your ex nuts. Your ex will wonder what you are up to. Your ex will find a way to message you back and wonder why you are sending this. When the child returns to the other parent, that parent may even question the child if the book was actually read. After all, at least one parent directly or indirectly pumps the kid for information. Can you imagine if the child actually said, “Yes, [the other parent] read me the book you sent and said you were nice for sending it.” Yup. that will really mess with their mind!
After you start your campaign of niceness, continue by then thanking your ex where clothes, toys or other items are returned with the child. Then if you really want to ramp up the good vibes, totally ignore your ex’s behavior that really annoy you. Don’t give your ex the benefit of knowing when you have been triggered. That will really drive your ex nuts.
Bear in mind, that as you do this, you are now setting the bar for reasonable behavior. Your good behavior will only serve to heighten how nasty the behavior of your ex really is. By no longer lingering in the mud along with your ex, you will have cleaned yourself up, leaving your ex to wear their own dirt. Now we really can tell the parents apart!
In so doing, your ex is presented with two options without you ever really making any demands. Your ex can either belly up and engage in similar nice behavior, lest they look the nasty parent, or they continue in which case their behavior stands out and makes your case at court.
Either way, you win.
Oh, and by the way, your child just may like your change in disposition and may more naturally gravitate to your company. To add, if your ex does belly up and match your behavior, then that court case may no longer even be necessary. Then everyone wins and your kid can get on with a very pleasant life.
I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue. I am available in person and by Skype.
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.
If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.
Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.