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Separated parent? Going into court or a stressful negotiation? 4 reasons to see a coach!

September 28, 2016

A legal colleague chatted about a client at court. Accordingly, the client provided contradictory information, got angry, added new information, sobbed and was forgetful. More attention was paid to the client’s manner by the court than what the client had to say. This is actually referred to as demeanor evidence and is relied upon by judges – rightly or wrongly. Indeed I am told by many people that their former partner presents better than themselves and they worry how this will work against them in court. This is a common scenario.

In these situations, people mistakenly prepare for the wrong thing when headed to court, mediation or Collaborative Law.

They spend an inordinate amount of time gathering formation to bolster their position and arguments in favor of their position. They also prepare by developing material that essentially seeks to discredit the other person.

All this preparation leaves out the other side of the equation: You, personally.

You can inadvertently hurt yourself in at least these 4 ways:

  1. You may have triggers, those comments or gestures that will spark you to lose your ground and act out defensively.
  2. You may have some issues of your own, perhaps ripe for exploitation.
  3. Your story may not yet be as coherent as you would like.
  4. You may not know how to manage your own personality, distress or expressiveness.

You want to present yourself well and present your case and interests as reasonably as possible. To prepare properly, it helps to meet with a coach. In this context the coach may also be known as divorce coach, separation coach, mediation coach, etc.

The coach is there to help you prepare. The coach can:

  1. Teach strategies to manage, cope and present your interests;
  2. Help you practice strategies for maintaining composure while answering tough questions;
  3. Help you find ways to share your information in a way best received.

If you do not present yourself well, your message can be lost in the delivery.

While everyone may benefit from coaching, if you are concerned that your former partner presents better than you and if the outcome is important, then preparation is key.

Consider a coach.

It would be my pleasure to be of service and just to remind, I am available for coaching by SKYPE if you are not able to meet in person.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Please feel free to check out all my services and then call if you need help sorting out parenting or relationship challenges.

If you know someone who may benefit from this information, please share this blog with the links below.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas and Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships

One Comment
  1. Nice piece of writing, Gary! If I were teaching in a school of social work, I would use your piece as an example of anticipatory guidance.

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