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What a Poem Teaches About Coparenting….

July 16, 2015

Separated parents in dispute as to the care and residence of their children could do well to remember the words of the poet, Kahlil Gibran. He wrote: 

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Please consider yourself as the bow from which your children are set forth. Examine yourself, your issues, your behavior, your emotions and your values. You are the bow and your child the arrow.  Think less about the target, but the bow from which the arrow flies. The bow determines the course and the trajectory of the arrow. While you cannot control the target, you create and manage the bow.  You as the bow, remain your responsibility to manage appropriately on behalf of your child. If you set your child forth form a place of anger, resentment, retribution, withholding, what then of your child’s trajectory?

The flexible bow provides the most impact upon the arrow.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.

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  1. Andrew Baines permalink

    Lovely reminder, thank you Gary. A bright start to Friday morning.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. What a poem teaches about co-parenting : The Novara Centre – Health & Wellbeing – Bray, Co. Wicklow

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