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Is it an Affair?

March 5, 2015

Here is an excerpt from my book, Marriage Rescue, Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships:

Katie wouldn’t consider herself naive and she would never have thought herself capable of cheating on her husband. But she did feel the distance between them growing, first month-by-month, then week-by-week and now day-by-day. She felt lonely, isolated and sad. She didn’t have anything particularly bad to say about her husband apart from the fact they have drifted apart. She was at a loss to figure out how to bring themselves closer together. Both were heavily involved with work and volunteer activities and both kept very different schedules.

She left a simple message on her Facebook page; Feeling lonely.
Katie didn’t really know anything about Bob. He just “friended” her one day as a friend of a friend. He was however, the first to pick up on her sign of distress. He sent her a private message asking what’s up, what’s wrong. Innocuous enough.

Katie, not really looking for a response after flagging her emotional state, at first ignored Bob’s message. Bob, not receiving a reply within the day, followed up with, “Sorry if I was too forward, just though you needed a friend.” This seemed to endear him to Katie. He quickly appeared intuitive and thoughtful. She readily replied with a vague message telling him that she had a trying day. He didn’t push but demonstrated empathy by saying he’s had days like that too. His non-aggressive style prompted Katie to say more. He seemed safe. She confided that she felt herself distancing from her husband and was forlorn by the situation. Bob was better than a therapist. He reflected back to her the sentiment she expressed, but taking it a step further saying it hurts to feel detached from someone who should be special.

Katie thought Bob could read her mind. This endeared him more to her and soon they began chatting about all sorts of things, be it the weather, recreational activities, work related problems and so forth. Katie began to believe they were kindred spirits.

Katie and Bob’s messaging continued and intensified. Within a matter of a few weeks they were going back and forth on any subject. Katie was freely telling Bob how oblivious her husband was to her distress and how disengaged they were as a couple. The quality of Katie’s messages were different though. Rather than forlorn, Katie sounded merely factual, as if she had come to view her current status with her husband as the new normal. There was a sense of freedom that accompanied her change as well as a seeming renewed sense of adventure. The on-line chat flew back and forth between them. Katie sought to explore some mutual interests with Bob. They both enjoyed hiking and so she thought they might take an afternoon together and go for a walk down by the bay. Innocent enough. Although when Katie reflected on her thoughts of Bob, she realised she knew little of him but comforted herself with thoughts about how intuitive and supportive he had been.

Katie and Bob did go for that walk. They met quietly and discretely. Bob was a perfect gentleman and every bit the likeness of his Facebook picture.

When departing from each other, Bob extended his hand to Katie’s arm. He held his hand on her arm, said goodbye and they both made their way back to their cars. Katie was awakened. Katie was alarmed. She repeated to herself, a touch is just a touch, a touch is just a touch. She secretly thought it meant more and she secretly felt both shameful and excited.

Has an affair already taken place? Who is responsible? How will her partner react – oh, he does find out….

Read: Marriage Rescue, Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships:

Amazon Canada

Amazon US

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.

Amazon US

Amazon Canada

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