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A Forever Valentine

February 4, 2014

Valentine’s Day: What if a year-long sentiment and for days beyond?

Oh Valentine’s Day, that perennial gesture to romantic love and if in a loving relationship, this is the day that sets the measure of that romance.

No other day is devoted entirely to romantic gestures: not birthdays, Christmas or even an anniversary.

Valentine’s Day is for the sake of romance alone, and that without homage if in a relationship, signals the passing enthusiastic love – love that makes us pine for the other in each other’s absence. Such sorrow would be that.

For some, Valentine’s Day is meant to remind or rekindle the spirit of enthusiastic love. For young or new love, Valentine’s Day gestures signal the value and vitality of each partner’s adoration for the other.

However, Valentine’s Day comes but once a year which is not necessarily enough for some. So for this Valentine ’s Day, think not of this day alone, but the fueling of a spark that may stay ignited through the years and days beyond to come. To keep that kind of romance alive embrace the following:

1.      With romantic love we may seek to live for the other, but to do so, we must still take care of ourselves, so find balance between self-love and love of partner. Neither at the expense of the other.

2.      Fear not conflict, but conflict not resolved peacefully. All persons will find themselves on different sides of different issues and at other times vying for the same resources, be they sleep, respite, recreation, intimacy or companionship. The goal is peaceful resolution where neither is hurt in the resolving of differences. Issues come and go as do resources. Our love is meant to keep forever.

3.      Show patience, compassion and charity with each other, which is not to say we tolerate inexcusable behavior, but we appreciate we are all works in progress, born human and subject to imperfections.

4.      Be only kind and gentle in words and behaviour so as not to inflict wound. There can never be an excuse for hurtful or abusive behavior, yet all transgressions must be accounted for. We must be fully responsible for our actions without blame, regardless of provocation.

5.      Express and profess your love in word and action. Do for each other before being asked. Kind unexpected deeds throughout the year are like loving baths that refresh relationships.

Follow that guidance and Valentine’s Day will forever be a part of your loving life together.

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker.


Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

(905) 628-4847

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.

If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.

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