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In a moment of self-disclosure…

April 20, 2013

While my father had a loving relationship with my mother and us kids, he none-the-less was a workaholic.

No surprise, so too am I.

I love what I do and could do it 24/7.

Upon my bookshelf, above my computer screen sits a word, carved in wood. That word is “Relax”.

Whereas my clients typically think it is directed to them, it is not. That is my cognitive cue, my reminder to myself to turn off my computer and spend time with my wife and family.

I am pleased to say that the angry adolescence of my youth, wishfully seeking a relationship with my father, wasn’t revisited upon our son. We virtually always ate our dinners together, we played and I attended his extra-curricular activates. When he needed a talking to, I was there to deliver.

I did have the opportunity to get close, very close to my father in my early twenties. He had taken quite ill. I was in part his nurse-maid, changing dressings and cleaning wound tracks from intrusive surgeries. Needless-to-say, we got very close during that period which turned into the period of his demise and passing. Oddly, his illness was our blessing. A remarkable paradox of his sickness and our healing.

There’s an old saying, “A man is not a man, until his father dies.”

What kind of man a man becomes is very much dependent on the kind of man his father was.

We need to choose what we emulate and what we reject.

As men, let’s seek to be better men.

One day it will be my son’s turn and if he has a son, his choices will determine his son’s legacy.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

BTW – If your relationship is faltering, then set it as your priority.

Read: Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships.

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